Finding My Identity in a Filipino Oasis

Illustration by Marcela Szwarc

I typed “filipino food near me” into the search bar, for the first time since my last attempt a few years ago.  I came to the food industry with a blind love for cooking, a ruling passion that helped me survive the strange and convoluted culture of professional kitchens. I’ve made it far enough up the ladder where I can create anything, and there will be an audience. At this point, I was on a personal journey of cultivating my own confidence in taking up my identity as a Filipino food chef — the missing puzzle piece that would greatly aid my skills in creating ancestral food. 

As a child, I had a certain adoration for my aunts. My late Aunty Paulette was known for hosting impressive “fiestas” in her home in Balamban, nestled within the rural mountains just outside the bustle of Cebu City, Philippines, where I grew up. I remember trailing their footsteps in the market, the humidity and mud creating a peculiarly miasmic atmosphere. I loved observing how my aunts interacted with their favorite vendors in numerous stalls — they would negotiate with them and skillfully select the freshest produce of the bunch, or the best-quality meat and seafood. Back then, there were a lot of ingredients I wasn’t familiar with, so these trips to the local wet market always fascinated me. There was an allure to the experience, I was enchanted by the idea of creating food from such a diversity of ingredients. I admired the way my aunt instinctively knew what she needed to create an indulgent culinary experience.  

Back to my Google search. To my surprise, a new name appeared, Fil-Am Market Corp in Middletown, NY. I immediately got in my car and made my way over. As the town came into view, I sped by run down industrial buildings, abandoned farms, and isolated houses. I began to doubt the existence of this place. Finally, in a mirage-like haze, I saw a glimpse of the Philippine flag and the letters “FIL-AM” in bold font hanging from a corner storefront of a small shopping plaza. 

Inside, there were rows and rows of sauces and condiments that are staples for Filipino cooking; the iconic Datu Puti soy sauce and sugar cane vinegar both spicy and plain, banana ketchup, and bagoong (fermented shrimp paste), to name a few. There were a variety of noodles made from cornstarch, rice, and eggs and even home goods such as llaneras for making flan and walis tambo, a type of broom made from tiger grass. I came upon shelves lined end-to-end with snacks and canned goods I only remember from childhood. There were multiple freezers, sure to be home to the rarest ingredients. In one freezer there were hand-labeled compartments of kamias, a fruit that is used to make a traditional sour soup called sinigang, and malunggay, a leafy vegetable that my father grew in my front yard. There was beef and pork bood, and rice cakes wrapped in palm leaves. 

Towards the back of the building was a humble dining area decorated with pictures of food, traditional art, live greenery and table settings adorned with woven placemats.  There were two women, one older and one younger, skewering marinated meat. An older man came in with boxes of chicken. I noticed that the table was already set. This is a quintessential sight in any Filipino household — a kitchen area occupied by family members preparing a meal together. A table set, ready to host guests. There was no question, I had found a new place of solace. 

Familiar aromas of smoky barbecue and sauteed garlic started to fill the small space. The younger lady who had been skewering the meat sat me down and gave me a menu. The menu was categorized by different dish types allowing you to easily customize food combinations. To me, a perfect Filipino meal consists of a crispy item, a soup, a saucy meat dish, sauteed veggies, a noodle dish or rice, and dessert. She had at least five items of each category on the menu. To have this vast of a menu and just one chef is extraordinary. This led me to believe that this lady was a purist in the most respectable way possible. I couldn’t help but observe her with utmost admiration. 

Her name is Jeralyn “Ayen” So. I slowly befriended her, getting to know her more each time I returned to feast. I had brought up my curiosity of her background as a Filipina as well as her motivations for being in the infamously duplicitous restaurant industry. She had become a physical embodiment of this image I had of a traditional Filipina chef; one who unapologetically uses her childhood experiences as a lens into creativity and her self-confidence as jet fuel for achieving her goals. 

Ayen invited me to come in on her day off in order to have a deeper conversation. To my pleasant surprise, I found her in the kitchen cooking three dishes simultaneously. She welcomed me into the dining room where she had already set the table and placed a few dishes. She had tailored a Filipino meal for me today. One with my exact favorite 5-part structure. Once all the dishes were prepared, she invited me to sit with her and we chatted as we ate. 

(Interview was spoken mostly in Tagalog and translated into English) 

Charisse: Tell me more about yourself. 

Ayen: I’m married and I have three kids. The eldest one, Ann, is 25 years old. She graduated from the Culinary Institute of America. My second daughter, Isabella, used to help me when I first opened. She’s in college now, for nursing. She still comes and helps during her breaks from school. I also have a son, my youngest, RJ. My husband, Raymond, also helps me out when I need it. My brother, my sisters, Nanay and Tatay; my parents… they all help me out when I need it. They live around the area. 

C: When did you move to the United States? Did you ever feel like a separation from yourself and the homeland when you moved? 

A: I moved to New York City from Sampaloc, Manila, Philippines in 1993. I was 15 years old. It was shocking when I moved to Manhattan. I lived in Stuyvesant Town on E 14th St. I remember there were so many Filipinos in that area. I immediately had a Filipino-American community. We would go to Woodside, Queens to find Filipino food. There was this place called Filipino Village. It was a restaurant by day and a club by night. I loved going there. There was some culture shock at school. Mostly because I couldn’t make friends like I did at home — it was too dangerous to go anywhere and [Filipino] parents are much more strict. 

C: What is the first memory you have of learning to cook? Where did this experience take you? 

A: From when I was 9-12 years old, my aunts Viv and Peachy owned a restaurant in the Philippines. My other aunt, Tita Ne was the cook. Back then, I really didn’t have a choice but to help them cook. Growing up, I never thought that cooking was something I really wanted to do. In reality, back then, being a chef was not as glorified of a profession as it is now in the Philippines. When I got married, I continued to cook for my family. I also always cooked for potlucks and since then, I started to gain a lot more demand. I loved planning parties. It’s tiring but at the end of the day, it was always productive. It just became natural to me…it made me happy. Anything that has to do with the kitchen, I enjoy. 

C: What was the moment like when you decided to go all in with the business? 

A: I opened my business in March 2017. At first I thought this was very risky so for the first few years, I kept my job as an accountant. Back then we served “turo-turo” style [this translates to “point-point” and is similar to how those Chinese eateries in malls served food]. I would come to the store in the mornings, cook everything and then leave for my accounting job. Eventually my husband told me to quit my job and go full-time on the business. He’s very very supportive. He said that in order to run my business properly, it will need my full attention. 

C: How would you describe your identity as a professional in this industry? 

A: I never had experience working in anyone else's professional kitchens. I didn’t have an education in culinary arts. It’s all natural and instinctual for me. I also know that you can’t please everybody. You’re Cebuano right? There is a difference between Cebuano cooking and Manila cooking. I just felt like I just needed to represent Filipino food through my own abilities and what I know. I have to admit, I don’t know how to cook every Filipino dish. I knew how to cook everyday dishes like tinola [a type of clear soup infused with ginger and usually has veggies and chicken or fish]. When it came to specialty dishes like dinuguan [pork blood stew] I had to do some research and learn them. It wasn’t until I opened this restaurant that I felt like my skills increased rapidly. I was a bit uneasy and anxious when I started out. Now, if someone ordered five trays of food on the spot, I could do it without a problem. You say to yourself “I got this!” 

C: I’m still in the middle of processing how I want to present Filipino food because I come from a fine-dining background but most of my inspiration comes from home cooking. What is your philosophy on Filipino food? 

A: Filipino food to me is what we are eating right now. Exactly that. There was a time when I thought I should go with the trends. For example, I tried to make crispy liempo and kare kare (crispy pork belly and peanut sauce meat stew with fermented shrimp paste) but I just couldn’t help but think that kare kare, from my experience, is always made with oxtail and tripe. I identify

with the original and some love the new ideas. I go with what I know. I don’t want to fulfill an order if I’m not fully confident in making it. I’d rather take my time and cook everything how I know it. Filipino food preference is a big part of one’s identity. That’s all that there is to it. 

C: Do you feel like there is a lot more you can do in the future? What are your short-term goals now that you’ve hit the five year mark? 

A: There is a lot more I can do but I need to get out of the kitchen. I can’t be in the kitchen and expand at the same time. So I have to make the right choice. I will lose customers if I leave the kitchen. I have to find someone I really trust to take over the menu but right now, that person is rare. I eventually want to go back to the Philippines and learn even more about Filipino food and then open my own nursing home by the beach. Every year, I host fiestas. Last year was Octoberfest. I’d like to do one more this year because my other business, J’s Pinoy Pizza, is opening soon. 

Phil-Am Market Corp is located at 285 NY-211, Middletown, NY 10940. Ayen advises for orders to be made thirty minutes to an hour before arrival if dining in. She cooks everything from scratch and wants food to be served as fresh as possible.

Charisse Ledres is the Owner of Lamisa Events LLC. She is a private chef in the Hudson Valley and Catskills area She specializes in Filipino food for Airbnb Experiences and pop-ups. She often drives a good distance with friends for a plate of homestyle cooking from any culture. Charisse likes to make eating a whole adventure.